Too Afraid To Let It Out....

So...

I started journaling at age 17 and had the most awesome experiences releasing all my shit onto pages and pages of pretty journals for about 4 years. At the beginning it was easy to just go on and on for hours with the pen, just letting everything out but as I grew older, it became increasingly harder to do so. I always tried to urge myself to do, because I knew how good it was for me to have some form of release but somehow, the more "complicated" my life situations got, the harder it was to purge.

I think I figured it out though. Writing down all I felt, and all I was going through sort of made me look at my life, whatever was going on in it, in retrospect, and it sort of gave me a new perspective on stuff when I read through it, and that helped me figure things out and move on. But as time went by, and shit got harder to deal with, well, I just got too afraid to face it all.

Now, journaling for me was something I could do anywhere, at anytime, hell I could take my journal out of my handbag and start writing in a bus, at a restaurant, a meeting, in class, watching a movie, but now, my last journal, which I bought at the beginning of 2009, has only a few pages filled, and is collecting dust on my bedroom desk.

Sometimes I carry it with me, hoping to compel something but....nada. Zilch.

Life really has taken a rather complicated direction, with stuff I never in my 25 years thought I would have to encounter. Jeez, stuff like that only happens on Grey's Anatomy and the rest of them but hey, what is it they say about Art imitating life? Is it safe to say that my life is my art? Or vice versa?

Oh well, my only hope is that with the rekindling of this emotion-purging technique, I can again find my love of songwriting. Because I must say, I haven't been able to write with ease since my journaling days. Save for a couple of songs I had to write under pressure here and there, you know, a certain talent competition among others.

Which is why I figured that with all the time I spend on the internet, it would be easier to just blog. Well that proved hard at first as well, which is why most of the content here is pictures. But hey, you gotta start somewhere, right. Well then, here it is. The first step on what I know will be an awesome rediscovery of my distant escape.

Herein lies me.

Don't you just love it when all you have left is the mango seed and the chilli is still on it and you go at it like a teething toddler?

Cheers folks.

2 comments

  1. Keep it up...I used to journal every single day and sometimes I could have two journal entries in a day but nowadays I do it when need be and write down all things that have happened and matter.Keeping a journal is a really good way to keep oneself in check.I still have my journal and my blog.My journal helps me keep in check and my blog is my journey as an inspiration to others.Am still exploring my writing skills to see my strengths in it though.hehe!
    I love writing so much and won't let that go so you shouldn't too.

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  2. Thanks Nelly, I shall definitely try to keep writing. Maybe even transcribe some of my old journal entries from my teenage years.

    Cheers.

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