But the thing is, that punch just might have been self inflicted. We all get those days where we just weren't in the right frame of mind to be optimistic. What would usually elicit a nonchalant, "Oh well,
Shit Happens", is more likely to result in frantic panic, anger, maybe even tears. I get these days every so often and it usually becomes a moshpit of sadness, pessimism and more often than not paranoia. Yes, paranoia, because suddenly everybody hates me and I'm convinced I'm a horrible person because that friend didn't smile at me as usual, or my friend didn't tell me about a plan and went without me or that guy didn't reply my text. Yeah, it's usually the mundane stuff, that you don't notice on a regular until a day like this shows up.
Now I figure that maybe it's an imbalance of some sort. Hormonal, maybe, except it's not very regular, it just shows up when it damn well chooses to. Nothing extraordinary happens on days like this, it's just that I happen to not be the same. I can't figure out what the predisposition to it could be. The PMS got ruled out ages ago....PMS just makes me teary, leaving me wailing because of everything, from traffic to the lonely looking slice of bread my brother left me in the morning, without considering whether or not I may have wanted more than the last, thin, crusty slice of bread for breakfast.
The moon, maybe? I dunno, that just seems ridiculous...wouldn't that then be a regular thing?
The really long days towards the end of the month when all thoughts of bills due for payment flood the brain before the salary comes through? Nah....Refer to above reason.
Some sort of mental condition? Disorder? Am I bi-polar? Because that comes with highs and lows...."I'm so happy I'm alive I could kiss the sky" highs to "Why the hell am I even alive" lows....
Food for thought.
Or maybe I should look inwards and list my flaws....Am I self centered? Self absorbed? Because on these days, it's harder for me to see outside myself. It's harder for me to empathize with others. It's harder for me to get out of myself...and to see that there is so much more going on in the world than what it is I'm going through.
Yes, it may or may not be a hard day. But maybe I just need to center myself more often because when I don't, my core is more prone to being shaken, than on a regular day.
Methinks these "bad" days have nothing to do with what's going on around me. I figure they have more to do with how I'm faring internally. Many times the punches we inflict on ourselves from inside are harder to heal than those that come from outside.
So instead of wallowing in my misery and stewing about how awful today was, why don't I work towards reducing these days by working on my core more? Strengthening myself. Learning to aim the punches not at myself, but at the lemons that come my way. Good, hard punches that make loads of lemonade. Or forget lemonade, because I rarely take that. Here's to more Hot Lemon, Honey and Ginger mixes.
Yeah, Grey's Anatomy works wonders on my bad moods but what happens when the season ends? Here's to banishing those bad days.
In the mean time...I promise to start some minimal work out regime tomorrow.
Procrastina shall not be my middle name any longer.
Come to think of it, I had less bad days when I worked out on a regular.
That and more mangoes.