Loving the SKIN I'm In.


Photograph taken by Trevor Fundi
Dress: Vivo Active Wear
Neckpiece: Maasai Market
Hair: Kinky Weave by Amadiva Beauty Salon
Feeling your absolute best is something that I (and I imagine us all) would love to achieve 100% of the time, but the way human beings are set up, that's not exactly the case. If it's not a physical flaw that we're going crazy over then it's some emotional turbulence and sometimes these things are so intertwined that moments of pure, complete joy and contentment are few and far between. I know for a fact that the standards of beauty throughout the years have been a great cause of misery for me since childhood, resulting in what I believe is some form of body dysmorphic disorder. For real. That's definitely a post for another day and I will definitely get into why I think this is so.

Struggling with different aspects of my physical appearance, be it my face, or my weight and shape, my complexion, and sometimes my hair, has been a thing all my life and it's only recently that I've been starting to feel some semblance of control. I've slowly been taking steps to improve my well being, both inside and out, and I shall break that down and be talking about that in the weeks to come.

Healthier days in 2011.

Starting us off, my skin. Now, I've been trying to get my skin to be at it's clearest for a few years now. It's been quite dramatic, to say the least, and quite exhausting. My adolescent years were pretty okay, no issues there, and I wore no make up aside from mascara and lipgloss for the most part but as soon as I turned 21, I experienced the worst break out of acne across my forehead. This later spread to the rest of my face and lasted about a couple of years but it has been a while since my skin has been perfectly clear again. This is what fuelled my dependence on powders and foundations for an even skin tone. Hi 5 to the make up industry my friends. It's not that bad. I do crave having confidence in my bare face, and I do realise this has a lot to do with how I FEEL about myself. That's a work in progress too.

I suffered another horrific break out 3 years ago during a month long stint in Nigeria that resulted in my having to visit a dermatologist upon my return. He attributed the acne to changes in climate, environment, food, and even possibly the fact that my body was having to acclimatize to the travel and change in work schedule. He prescribed some antibiotics and a couple of intensely foul smelling creams and a few months later my skin was much better. But not at 100%.

Mid 2013. Halfway through the skin treatment. I can't find any pictures of my bare face before.

Last year, my skin was meh. It was okay, but not particularly great. And by great I mean it wasn't smooth and I still had some scarring. The thing is, you would never catch me without any make up on because my skin mostly resembled leopard print.) I then got onto some hormonal birth control and damn son, all hell broke loose. It was one of those injections that you get once a month. Barely a week in and my face was a nightmare. I quickly made the decision not to continue with that BC and although my skin improved after the hormones wore off, I was left with my jaw line as a problem area with these really painful recurring spots. I did some research and found that acne around the jaw and chin is usually as a result of hormonal imbalances. Now, even though the spots do clear up every once in a while, the scarring is a mess. And when that starts to clear up, boom, a fresh new outbreak comes popping.

I then made the decision last year to try and clear my face using mostly natural products because I just couldn't see myself being permanently dependent on medication or chemicals to keep me looking  and feeling my best. I started playing around with face masks, oils, butters and natural remedies that really made a difference and I have now incorporated a couple of other things that, while are not entirely natural, are helping to get me to where I want to be. My skin has honestly not felt or looked this good in years, and I'm excited to see it's progress as I go along. I'm not there yet, but I am definitely heading in the right direction. (The fact that I can now leave my house, or post a picture of myself without a lick of make up on and still feel okay is a huge deal.)

Over the next few posts, I shall break down different elements of my regimen and what exactly it is I have incorporated as well as how and why it is working for me and hopefully provide some insight and advice if you are looking to improve your skin as well. How I feel about myself mentally also has a great deal to do with it, as well as my diet and external factors, and I will talk about that too.

Thanks for reading!
Patricia.

Photograpy: Jude Xavier
Top: Scrap of fabric
Skirt: Tailor made
Earrings: Maasai Market
November 2013




















10 comments

  1. I didn't even know you write! ! How excited am I? Your energy is infectious, I really do look up to you.. Like my older sister or cool aunt, sth like that. Love you :))

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    1. Oh bless Irvy! Thank you for stopping by. Much, much love!

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  2. phewx!
    Now i know my skin will get better; I was beginning to worry.

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  3. so i have been viewing most of your work missy , from your blog to your music to tuning into your radio show on the TUNE IN website and even a few series you have been apart of lol and for a while i was trying to figure out why i am so attached to someone i don'y know then it clicked to me that i have always been the type of person that picks up vibes and gravitates towards kind , sweet people and in your case you are talented and i somewhat look at you like a role model and the most weird thing is i don't know any other celebrity i have ever liked this much HAHA anyway before it gets creepy because you don't know me (haha) i will end this by saying you are the most inspiring , hardworking and talented woman i know . i am always hesitant to comment on stuff but i have come to the realization that positive comments don't only make people smile or encourage them but helps kill any self doubt they ever have because at the end of the day we are all human and no matter how talented , beautiful and amazing we are ....we all have those days that we doubt ourselves and our potential and those days we fail at something and only focus on that one negative instead of ignoring it and looking at all the other great things we have accomplished . I am also writing this because i know that you are an entertainer and every now and then you receive negative reviews and might take it to heart . I just want you to know you are amazing , i love your work , i hope to see you work on bigger projects and continue to grace us with your talent . i want to break out of the box and accomplish great things because i have great faith in you . I see you Patricia and we are rooting for you . x <3 may you have a great year and i can't wait to see you grow .

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    1. * i want to see you break out of the box and *don't ... lol this is not about me *excuse my typos* haha

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  4. Liz,
    I don't even know where to start. The timing of this has just floored me. The last few days have been the absolute worst. I go through some downs every once in a while but the last few days have been so abysmal that I had even began wondering if I really belong here. On this planet. it's a dark, dark space to be and the kind that no one can get you out of but yourself.

    Thank you for your words. I've been rereading them over and over and over again, trying to figure out if I should believe them or not. And then it hit me. You don't even know me. You have no reason whatsoever to lie to me. So I'll trust and believe that you really do mean this and I just want to say thank you so very much for taking the time to comment and say what you have said. Thank you so much. Thank you. From the very bottom of my heart, this means the absolute most to me.

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    1. NEVER put your BEAUTY into DOUBT! Gal!

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  5. Gal...GREAT & I hope your PASSION for design keeps on burning(PAT or maybe AGT?)!

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